I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
