Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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