My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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