so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
