guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
