I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
