So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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