peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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