The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
