i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You dont lie about slip and slides
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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