Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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