Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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