quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Mom said you looked used
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
