i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
