I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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