im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I party with great urgency now.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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