hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
