If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
