i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
