omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
