did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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