am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
