May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
