i barfeds in our rink
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My feet surprised me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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