Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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