The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
