If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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