i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
