I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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