Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
