when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
