Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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