Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
