Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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