I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
