Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
