ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Sober January is a disaster.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
