every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
