just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
