Whod you bang
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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