She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
