Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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