I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
