She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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