It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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