it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am naked and annoyed.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
