I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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