I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
