Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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