I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
