Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
