I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
