It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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