my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So apparently I’m into choking now
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