apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize