Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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