Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
