You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
